Making Mistakes

The Problem

It’s really hard to tell my partner I’ve made a mistake, even when I realize I did.

The Solution

One of the most powerful ways to get closer is through a sincere apology. At the same time, most of us hate to admit when we make a mistake. We’d like to blame something or someone else — “Well, it wasn’t nice for me to say that, but I wouldn’t have done it except that you…….” etc.  

Instead, try to practice being non-defensive. When you recognize you weren’t acting the way you know is right, just say it without defense. “I wanted to tell you I’m really sorry that I was sarcastic a few minutes ago.”   That’s it.  No “but’s” added on. Even if your partner agrees… “Yes, you were! I didn’t like it.” — It’s tempting to give some verbal shot, or to say why, and give a defense. But, it will be a whole different experience and outcome if you once again avoid being defensive, saying instead: “You’re right. I’m sorry.”    There are always “reasons” – everyone has their reasons.

If your goal is to show that you take responsibility for your actions, and you don’t want to hurt your partner – resist the old defensive habits. You’ll be surprised by the results.


“I have experienced a major shift in my intimate relationship. We are no longer against each other – we are working together against the problems.” – David J., FL


PAIRS workshops are offered throughout the year.

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