Here’s this month’s PAIRS Quick Tips –
Just a minute to invest in your relationship skills!
I feel like I’m busy all day — how can I find time to keep nurturing my relationship?
Are there other activities in your day that you make happen, no matter what? Finding the time for that activity was a choice. You prioritized whatever that was over something else for at least a few minutes. How much time does it take to keep your relationship nurtured, growing, happy and healthy?
Surprisingly, many studies show it can happen with just 15 minutes each day of focused, undivided attention on each other. Turn off the TV and cell phones, find a quiet space where you are alone together and undistracted — then, each share just a bit of how you are feeling, how your day went, puzzles and concerns you might have. When one is sharing, it’s helpful for their partner to focus on really listening, without offering solutions, fixes and comments. It’s also helpful to be sitting across from each other and holding hands as you share.
Knowing that we are simply listened to, and are also able to be there as a good ear for our partner, builds trust and closeness. At another time, there can be discussion about solutions, suggestions or comments. But during your special 15 minutes, the focus is on listening to understand, and sharing what’s in your heart. Couples who do this daily have consistently reported feeling happier — and if it means turning off the TV for 15 minutes a night, they say it is well worth it! Try it for a week, and see if following this way of connection doesn’t draw you closer.
“PAIRS skills are so simple, and yet so powerful. I just wish I’d known about them years earlier!” – Jason C., FL