Here’s this month’s PAIRS Quick Tips –
Just a minute to invest in your relationship skills!
When I apologize, I’m told it’s “not a sincere apology” – what does that mean?
After a mistake is made, it’s hard to apologize. But even when we do it, often our apology is not accepted, or it even seems to make things worse!
There are three components to the solution: timing, how to apologize, and forgiveness. Regarding timing – the quicker, the better. Even if you say you want to apologize more fully later, don’t put it off … feelings only intensify. Discuss ahead of time with those you are close to what kind of apology feels genuine to them. Some people want words, some a written note, some flowers and cards, some want a specific act of contrition (I’ll wash the dishes for a month…” – some want to be held during the apology. Find out what really works for THEM (and let them know what works for you, too) – remembering that the approach will probably be different for each of you. Thirdly, remember that we are all imperfect, and don’t hold others to a standard of perfection that we can’t achieve ourselves. Forgiveness is a gift to both of you, even though it can be incredibly hard.
“Before, I just wanted out … PAIRS definitely helped save our marriage.” – Jo K., NC
PAIRS workshops are offered throughout the year.
See www.PAIRSVirginia.com for details.