Anger in relationships

Here’s this month’s PAIRS Quick Tips –
Just a minute to invest in your relationship skills! 

The Question:

What’s best to do when I get angry with my partner and others? 

Anger is all around us, even in the movies, TV, politics.  And yet, we are told that we shouldn’t feel anger – that it is a bad emotion we should try to push or wish away.  What’s true is that anger is a natural and healthy signal that we are unhappy.  The problem, really, is not feeling the emotion of anger – it is how to handle it in a non-destructive way for ourselves and those we care about. 

The Answer:

When you feel angry, it’s important to find a way to dissipate the chemicals of anger that have been released into your body.  Until you do, you will not be thinking clearly, and may say or do something regrettable.  Some ideas to clear your head would be through physical activity, such as a brisk walk or jog for 15 minutes, or even putting on some fast music and dancing. While this is going on, focus on some positive thought or memory.  Rehashing what you are angry about will just keep the harmful chemicals flowing and keep you unhappy.  After you have calmed down, think about what it is you really want (not what they did) that seemed thwarted when you got angry.  Resist thoughts of getting back or getting even, and instead put your energy into figuroug out cooperative solutions or positive changes you can make in your approach to the situation that you and the other person can work on together. 

I thought ‘been there, done that’ as far as getting myself and my relationships healthier. I didn’t think I needed PAIRS.  I’m happy to sey that I was wrong. PAIRS is great!”  –  Suzy J.,  NC 

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